July 9, 2011


Ive had a sad week...My cousin passed away on July 6th after his couragous battle with cancer. I hate cancer. I hate cancer. I hate cancer. I dont understand.... He was an amazing wonderful person with big dreams and even only in his 20's, his spirit was pure and beautiful and just....someone this world needs here. I've been spending a lot of time on his Facebook page..reading what others wrote, sharing favorite memories, posting pictures, reading the last things he wrote..and I came across his "favorite quotes"

"It aint about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep movin forward, how much you can take and keep movin forward" - The Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa

"Accept the Challenge"
"Go the Distance

~"I just read your favorite quotes Marsh....how perfectly fitting. They speak directly to me now..and true'r words have never been spoken. xoxoxo"

I last saw Marsh about 3 weeks ago when I stopped in Red Deer on my way home from Edmonton...we hung out in my Aunt and Uncles basement while he laid on the couch..I ragged on him for watching " Joe Dirt" and he made fun of me for something, I dont remember now,..if I couldnt "see" him, Id never know he was sick. He was the same perky, friendly, outgoing, hilarious, fun, witty, person that Ive always known. Making all of us laugh over and over...My favorite: Marshal giving my Grandma a hard time because with her sick and laying up on the same couch too ..he was now having to share his Moms attention and nursemaid-ing.."Go home Grandma and let it be all about me again!"..LOL! I guess his body just couldnt hold up to his larger than life spirit. Right now Im grateful I dont hold many expectations to any religious plan..I dont think I could handle the disapointment and abandonment Id feel in it...Sometimes the things that happen are just gross & unfair & infuriating & tragic & senselss and...sometimes life makes me so mad I want to spit in its face..Today, I need to try to be more like my cousin, who was much more forgiving and a helluva lot braver than me.

From today, I know who the sun shining down on us is..My heart is so sad but also overflowing thinking about what an amazing beautiful person you are, how much I love you and admire you and how proud I am of you cousin. I am a better person because I knew you.
I miss you Marshal Knowles for the world is already very loney...but, Im glad that your off the couch (and not watching any more *ahem*crap*cough* movies ;-P) out of the hospital  and in a place where your glowing spirit has the room it needs to be limitless..where it can go its distance. 

"More today than yesterday" ...Years ago, I had that engraved inside my husbands wedding ring. Right now Im thinking about that favorite quote of mine...

Love your people and live your best life...more today than yesterday.

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