Im sitting in my kitchen, the day after New Years with deep conditioner slathered in my hair. Its pulled into Princess Leila buns on the side of my head. My kitchen smells of Brazil nut and Im drinking green tea...Im so international. It makes me wish I was somewhere tropical and exciting and relaxing and warm...Im not tho yet... so I try to think about other things.
I dont remember what I did last New Years. I remember the year before and even 9 years before that. Y2K I was in Inglewood waiting for the world to implode on itself while The Mister sang Karokoee and my Aunt and I did tequila shots because well, remember, we all thought we were going to die at the stroke of 12?....NY 1999 I drove to Calgary from Lethbridge in a snowstorm with my 2 girlfriends to go to a dive-y.......the sign outside said "pub", but they only served Chinese food in tables dressed as settler covered wagons and played the same 2 songs all night long. "Iris" Goo Goo Dolls and Prince "Party like its 1999." The waitress spilled her tray of drinks on me. I was sticky and smelled of Pilsner and Alabama Slammers all night....It was ok though. The ginger beef was so good. 2008 The Mister and I went out for dinner with friends to a super swanky place that was extremly formal and uncomfortable and made me feel old and like such a fake. Afterwards we hit the pub next door, more my style and I was slamming shots of Sambuca with the people sitting behind us while I balanced myself in ridiculous red high heels. Ahhh...to be 20-bla-bla-bla again. Now, theres no shots, no slamming and no high heels anywhere in my life..Anyways, when midnight hit, Mister was still in line at the bar and the guy to my left managed to dip me, then plant one on my lips before I even had time to protest, making that the first first kiss in 11 years that wasnt from my husband.. he didnt mind and the look on his face when he turned around still makes us laugh until our tummy's hurt.
New Years. The last day we give ourselves to misbehave and indulge without guilt or need for confession. Life starts all over again at midnight and we can once again become virgins and saints and everyone excersises regularly. I'm starting to think that people have a confused sense of half full Vs. half empty. Dont you know the half empty disapointments in your life, help fill the half full pleasures? We forget that and so we make resolutions and give ourself a countdown to the new and improved year so we can have our re-do's to try... once again, to be better, less selfish, more thoughtful, healthier, people that others envy. I dont bother. Resolutions are a sure fire way to send me into a full on state of self disapointment and let down. However, there is a flip side and that is the expectation of resolutions. People asking and questioning and when you say that "I dont have any" you get this aura of judgement surrounding you. As if not having resolutions communicate to people that we believe ourselves flawless and them asking flawed..It can communicate we're too lazy to put into ourselves any effort of improvement...Its a vicious circle. So, here's what Im thinking:
*in bold bright lights*
"Christie's Non Resolution Resolutions." Which by definision is:
Just loving to death whats always been there..accepting I'm "in progress" and on a journey ..seeing myself in a positive light and not casting shadows. Embracing my passions and skills, my size, my vices and personal beliefs. Claiming my strengths and weakness's for the exact things that help build my character. Owning myself. I will resolve only to try. So, this year, instead of unrealistic, forced changes, I will invite acceptance, pride, forgiveness, understanding and love into my Universe and mark 'em on my list of resolusions.. because I've found that the Universe always delivers on the things you ask it nicely for..
As my very amazing wonderful friend, Michael shared with me today,
"Believe in being Better"
Wow. 2011. Here we go.